Our lives have changed, our futures have been transformed and our world as we know it will never be the same. On June 19, 2015 we learned of the passing of a loved one. He was my sister's boyfriend, the only guy she has ever dated in her adult life to respect her, care for her and love her as she deserves to be loved. To my ex-husband and kids he was a friend that taught him how to hunt, fish, hike and make the most of the outdoors, while being a confidant at the same time.  To me, he was a future brother-in-law, the father of my future nieces and nephews, a devoted friend, a conservative adversary and a fellow Auburn fan who was not afraid to scream WAR DAMN EAGLE in a room full of Alabama fans. It was at my daughter's birthday dinner that we noticed that no one had talked to him, he left to go to his apartment in Troy just overnight and go to the financial aid office

 and then return. We jokingly made posts on Facebook that his phone died or got dropped in the river (which seemed to happen from time to time), but to no avail. On Friday morning I realized that this was very unlike him, I mean this is a guy who SnapChats his toilet sessions! No interaction on text, call or social media left me with a bad taste in my mouth. At 1030 am I called the Troy Police Department and asked them to do a welfare check at his apartment. I lied and said that he had been gone since Tuesday, I also told them he was my cousin and I was calling on behalf of his parents. As a parent myself, I will never question the judgement of that lie.   I went to lunch with a co-worker and fellow friend of his to the restaurant where my worried sister works. We had a nice lunch, had a phone conversation with another friend and I came back to work, still hoping that his phone crashed and his car died and he was walking down the side of the interstate trying to get to a phone.  While back at work, my sister called me to report that he never made it to the financial aid office and she was getting ready to drive down there.  With the cell phone in one hand, my work phone rang, nothing ever in life could have EVER EVER prepared me for the news I was about to receive. The police officer informed me that they had found him and he had passed.  Passed?  LIKE PASSED? The whole world started to crumble around me, somehow I wrote down the officers name and phone number and then had to pick up my cell phone and had to tell my sister that the only guy that ever really loved her......has passed....passed, I still don't like that word. Since that moment a whirlwind of emotions and tasks have taken over us. Up until that point, I think to think our family has been pretty lucky.  Never have we had a tragedy that struck so close to home, we are not immune.  Having to also inform my ex and his friends, being bombarded by people asking questions, what, why, how....We were all asking these questions so answering them was not in the cards. All I knew was to surround my sister and my family with love and support and go minute to minute at times.  Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since this devastating day. Since then, we have had a funeral, memorials, moved my sister in with my mom and tried to all grieve and move on. In that process, I have learned that there is no normal anymore. Right now there are days that we cry and days that we don't. Not a day goes by that we don't think of him. Not a day goes by that we don't wonder what could have been, and not a day goes by that either something triggers a memory or a thought about an opinion he may have had.  There are a few things I do know, its ok to cry. It's ok to be mad and its ok to be somber.  It's ALL ok. So for now, we are all trying to find a new normal....... A normal that doesn't include him in our lives......if you can call that normal.